Yes...the Indian man. I salute thee. Unique species walking this planet. And hence, I decided to devote an entry to you. An issue which is close to the heart for many a desi girlfriend. I decided to keep up with the cheekiness that my 21st century penpal loved and shunned the obsession to rhyme everything that i was jotting down.
Over the years, I have had the oppurtunity to interact with a lot of different kinds (a lot from the South)so to speak. But like Russel Peters says, they are unique. I am not just referring to small shoulders, ridiculous lungis and thinking that hirsute is ok. God gave the desi man from the South some extra gyri and sulci for sure, but took away some other qualities that might have also proven useful on other fronts. Like for example - some game. Some confidence and originality when walking up to a woman to accost her. Yes, not the - 'Arent you from Hyd' question when she is working on her assignment! Or slipping a really stupid poem in a book you lend her.Seriously?????Some good skills when you want to flirt. I admire the **** it takes to walk up to a woman to ask her out but if you want a wee bit of a chance here, I think you first need to smell good, not think of getting into her blouse then and there, ensure you dont scratch down there and lose the totally false ego that being a desi man confers on you. I also admire their absolute confidence in convincing themselves that once they have secured their admit to go to graduate school in the US, they are entitled for a 'babe' for a wife. Even better if you have sweated it out and gotten yourself into the dream schools in India for your undergraduate degree. Then you will marry a Miss Chennai. Sadly, a thought that is also encouraged by society as well. Yes, matrimonials in India ask for a slim and fair girl while the desi man blissfully builds his belly a.k.a the sign of fortune hoping his job and bank balance makes up for the lack of everything else.
The desperation that is evident in most of them as they ogle at women in the gym, is shameful. In one of our group workout classes, my labmate asked me - do all Indian men stare at women in tight fitting clothes? Did this desi guy know that the gym has mirrors everywhere and we could see what he was upto? All i ask for, is for them to be a little more subtle and not make it obvious that they have never seen a real woman's nipples before they turned 25. Imagine the glee with which all the south indian men in my class enjoyed the unobstructed image of the mammary glands of a female student(not desi and a "figure") who almost always turned up sans shelf support. I mostly take it as a good thing and run an extra mile.
Many a Raj (of Big Bang Theory fame) exist today. Society obviously helps the desi man survive without imposing a need to change. Several of these species i would consider unfit to be in a mature relationship with a woman with mutual respect. More than one desi guy has had the gumption to tell me that winning the Aditya Birla Scholarship was no big of a deal. Winning a university fellowship means nothing since someone else who won it was totally dumb. Or that i won something because i smiled at the panel/interviewers. But then i guess, education on these matters begin at home. How many south indian parents have their noses up in the air because their sons have H1B jobs? Beloved mother of the said species, i hate to break your bubble but the next time you say something totally inappropriate and sneaky, i shall have to remind you that the bride just rescued your son from a life of jerkdom amongst a host of other things. Which would have most likely never happened if he were left out there to fend for himself. Almost every desi man's balls are wrapped up in his mom's pallu and only loaned for their duties. Someday they will belong to him!
Like anything else, there are exceptions and different degrees of exceptions. A lot of the men i know really well are exceptions and i am defenitely married to one that totally is a perfect example of an exception.
Moral of the story ? Lose the Attitude, the shabbiness and get real exposure. If you want something you would like treasure, you sure as hell need to work for it and learn to stand up for it.
And watch Hitch! :P
