Its been a year

Yes, its been a year since i lost my status of being single. Our first year of marriage flew past. I dont even know how we went through Spring and Summer. Before we knew it, it was Fall again and time to plan our next trip. Yes, we love to travel. We cannot really afford it but we make sure to find a way to pay for it. A lot of people dont make the efforts to plan and save up but if you are patient, you can fit it in. This time it was Hawaii. Boy was it fun.I was so excited to board the flight that i even ignored my mom in-law demanding to know if i had bought lingerie. Was all worth it. It was perfect weather.We hung out on the beach. I managed to snorkel. Easily my favourite moment. I needed a life jacket because i really cannot swim very well yet. My greatest fear is getting into the water and the feeling of nothing under your feet. People here think i am abnormal because i cannot swim. I was really embarassed to wear the jacket. I overcame my fears, learnt how to use the gear and managed to get into the water with P.Its a whole new feeling to see the corals and the fish in the water. And yes i sported a two-piece bikini that i worked real hard to look good in. We also did the traditional Luau dinner which serves the unique roasted pig and the traditional dances that include the insane Tahitian hip shakes. Right by the beach along with a crimson sunset.I always believe that we must learn from the place we live in. And I learnt that we have to work hard but also have loads of fun. I could never do that before.People sure do know how to have fun and i have tried to bring that balance.And i owe it all to P to let me go all the way and do the things i only dream of doing. We did the road to Hana village (several 100 hair pin blind turns and 65 one lane bridges) and stopped at one point that felt limitless. Far down we could see the coast and behind us, the mountains. I was standing on a cliff as our guide described that this was possibly the place Pirates of the Caribbean 3 was shot. It was spectacular. It had the power to just reset everything and really resonates with you. Most insurance companies dont even let you drive there but its nature untampered with. Spectacular, and not the tourist contaminated Western part of the island. After the trip i realised that i might have to make the hardest decision yet. Limiting myself to fewer career choices in order for us to be together. Yes, balance is a part of being normal. But i know this is right because P doesnt mind doing it for me if i go elsewhere. I know it would probably freak a lot of people out. For now i know i feel really fortunate for everything i have and hope the f***********king experiments work out ok. The not so cool part of being balanced begins now - work.

Nostalgia

My world, my mind and my space. Its like this high tech digital interface you hear about these days. It can be filled with all kinds of things and then one swoosh resets everything and its ready to be filled with fresh thoughts and sensations all over again.
But now i have started to think about some things i never hoped i would ever have to confront. Everytime i read a book about my "Desh", I have this intense nostalgia that grips me. Today, i sat on a toilet on campus, holding the cheap toilet paper while i wept at the saddest moment in the book - The Namesake. A few months ago i wept at the Chennai girl trying to marry the Punjabi boyfriend in "2 states". Just the description of the city Madras brought tears into my eyes. I agree, its not perfect. But, that famous canopy of trees on the road we used to drive through, is a picture that has been imprinted in my mind forever. It signified another day full of travel, shopping, food and meeting relatives or family friends. We braved fishmongers and their stinking baskets that accompanied us all the way along the ride.The bus would drop us off in the morning and my Dad would always open up a long list of things to be done. It began with a trip to the "bra and jatties" shop a.k.a the lingerie store. He would give my Mom all the money she needed for this part of our shopping and then step onto a different floor of the Mall in the most dignified manner. Yes, we were very secretive about this and buying sanitary napkins. The bags that we got with all our "stuff", we turned inside out so no one knew we bought lingerie. And the sanitary napkins, we wrapped in newspaper. Yes, here i was, a grown women well past her puberty trying to prove i never ever used a sanitary napkin or wore a bra. The same way we continue to keep sex in the closet and deny the fact that someones gotta be doing it quite a bit, if our population is over a billion. The contradictions define who we were and how we felt about some of these things. I didnt like it. Chennai was also the city where i boarded a train. Where i embarked on a journey that would change me forever. I made some of the best friends on this very first train journey.
When i left for Grad School, I was young. I was brazen and wanted my independence. I wanted to be able to wear anything, say anything and do as i pleased. I was angry with the interference in my life. I was angry that my parents disapproved of my talking to the one person who meant something then. And just because he was from a different caste. The day i left, I didnt cry. I usually never do. It hits me much later. Like it hit me when i went home for my wedding and listened to my sister's voice. I miss her singing. I wish I had spent more time with her when i was home.
Somehow i seem to realize that more money and more 'stuff' only brings more worries. Every generation has gotten richer but i dont know how the simplicity in all of their lives is lost. I still think that whatever i wanted to say is true. I need my freedom and i need my ideas to live with me. But i dont think i can find comfort in a fake How are You in the Elevators. I dont know if i can un-foreign myself ever again. I suppose i can never ask a school if they have established fire evacuation plans or expect for a delightful customer service technician on the phone or get to the airport in 8 minutes cruising at 75 mph on a designated lane. But I wouldnt have to ever spell my name out and i would be able to sit on the beach with my family. I would be able to listen to Classical music concerts (which i still believe is one of the most complex things to master) and dress up in real prints. I dont know if it is something that i can get back to. I know a lot of people who didnt make it. For now its a dream.....

PS : Have still not finished Anna Karenina. I bet it will keep me busy for a bit. Have been on a reading spree. The other book i finished was Little Bee. BRILLIANT is the word. I wish my thesis would beckon.

Good God!!!!!Gold!!!!!

Its amazing how you think things have changed only to realize you were quite wrong. Thanks to the latest time wasting tactic a.k.a facebook, these wedding photos keep popping right up, and i realized that the ubiquitous most awkward piece of jewellery that we still find is the vaddanam. Now, i am not entirely against wearing one . But honestly, very few people in those photos have a waist which can be shown off. And i absolutely believe in wearing something after making sure it looks good on you. That totally includes moms as well. Aunty , please do all of us a favor and let us enjoy the photos thoroughly! While we adore you, your selfless love and your efforts in making everyone feel like they are looked after, we certainly dont want to start computing the circumference of the ornament. While we are at this, lets also make sure that the bride doesnt look like a female version of the Oscar statuette. Seriously, what with kancheevarams that are completely covered by gold and zaris competing in "how wide is yours" contests, I pity the purse that pays for this and the girl that has to pretend that she will wear it again for sure.
Agreed, we dont go the dowry way anymore but the pressures are still there. About time we realised that we dont have to live according to what other people say. I am surprised at how many of my friends complied and at how many comments i got about how simple some of my saris were. For one thing, i think donating that money to charity makes much more sense than looking like an oscar stauette that is also a mannequin for a jewellery store. That actually makes me think - A woman painted in gold wearing just the thick heavy gold jewellery covering her bust would make a seductive ad. Wait, thats the sort of stuff kids cannot see.

Back to my point.Lets make weddings what they are - about the two people who are going to be together. Besides all that stuff is going to come right off anyways, isnt it? ;)

Lots of Updates!

Yes, lots of updates!!!!!We got married last Thanksgiving!It was amazing. A total hectic high adrenaline trip back home. I had a lovely time with my family. We had loads of fun at the ceremonies although i didnt really favor staying away from my husband and not being able to talk and behave as freely as i wanted to. Traditions and rituals etc seemed to be not too bad since they were a mix of telugu and tamil ones and basically everything was done with a bit of modern relevance. Which was great!!!!I felt terrible leaving home, leaving India and getting back here. This time around i began really thinking, what was i going to do? Go back or not? I am getting used to it here. But i miss the smells,, the colors, the smiles and the family get togethers. What will i do when i get back? What will my husband do? There are no fabs back home. So what else can he do then????We have no answers now but will, sometime in the future. The thing thats great is to know we will find our answers together.
The other real big update is that we decided to spend a week in Europe. Yes, we saved up for it. Like crazy!They say nothing is impossible and in this case it is true. We had no guide, no tour package, no cruise to tell us what next or where we can find stuff. It was a three to four month period of reading on the net and looking for deals that finally paid off. We didnt get our visas the first time, our trip was almost canceled thanks to the BA strike and then the bad weather but we squeezed into the window of lovely winter weather and had a PERFECT time!
We landed in Rome, spent 3 days touring the city and breathing in all of its wonder. Then we took a train to Pisa and then Florence - the heart of the Renaissance. We then took a night train to Paris. It so happened we had first class tickets and we had our own porter that escorted me down the steps and took my bags. He was cute. And then we spent 3 lovely days in Paris. We headed straight to Versailles. It was my wish to go to the Palace. Boy were we glad we did! Then the next day we spent at The Louvre. My dream come true. We had pre downloaded audio tours on our ipods so we smugly walked past the looooong queues for audio guides. Crowds were crazy but it felt more like being back home. We saw the Eiffel Tower, the Cathedral of Notre Dame, walked along the Seine River and spent 3 romantic days in Paris. Our hotel in Paris was gorgeous and it was perfect!Contrary to tripadvisor which had people trashing everything, things were pleasant. Now i know if a corridor smelt of pee, it probably was a little musty. And if a certain place was full of roaches, probably one or two were seen.We had to be on our toes but its like being on guard on the streets of Chennai. We had a lovely time, good food and really unwound from all the wedding travel, pr-wedding hectic week that we both had been through for our own reasons.
So now we are back and have to grit our teeth and give this last leg of grad school a big mighty push. I am still fighting my knee. i find it frustrating not to be able to run. Its a valuable amount of "me" time that i got before. It was a really nice and very personal challenge.I need to get even better shoes for my knock knees and need to strengthen with squats, step routines and much more. But boy will i feel good the day i overcome it. I will i am sure and like anything else it is a matter of time. So for now here is to family, friends and the gorgeous memories we have with all of them. Hope u like the photos