Satan or Samaritan

Was it the cold? Or was it the chillness inside her? She knew not why she felt this way…..all she knew was that her job was done…like numerous other ones….this one had required all the strength and grit that she had built through the past….it could not be done by everyone-that’s what her boss had said when he assigned it to her….if she succeeded, it would surely make an impact on the political scenario in the state….after all….blowing up the historic 200 yr old library building wasn’t a joke……she had done it….placed the bombs where they had to be placed…..set everything up……handing over the controls and everything else to her friend, she had begun to leave the place….walking briskly, she was looking for the brick wall…..on a cold winter night, this was the last place anyone would be in…..she saw lights at a distance….houses….people….happiness….not to her….it meant nothing to her…in another five minutes she would be over the wall and the blue maruti van would take her back into the wilderness….and by dawn she will be back….to the only place that gave her shelter….to the only place that accepted her….permitted her to live….the only territory that did not tell her that she was foreign….far into the jungles….and there she would lie in wait….longing to hear about the blast…about the ruins…about the shock….the bloody loss of human life….about the pain …and the grief….as lives would be lost and hopes would be buried forever….but would it ever pay for the pain that had throbbed inside her for so many years? Would it make the emptiness disappear? Would it make her smile? Would it bring back her long lost family? Will it give her the life that had been snatched from her? Memories haunted her even after more than a decade….the village…the farms….the happiness….her parents….and then suddenly everything had changed….they had murdered the only people she had…she shuddered as she relived the moments when the men had carried her away….the pain, the trauma and the shame that had transformed her into a heartless machine….
The dark alleys seemed to go on forever…..was that the end? Was that the wall she was so frantically looking for? In another five minutes she would be safe……And then she heard it…..the cry…..of hopelessness….of despair…pain….the hoarse voice that was being muffled by loud and cruel sounds….Noooooooo…..it was too much to handle….she just had ten feet to the wall now….why didn’t the voices go away????why couldn’t she succeed in pushing them out? In the midst of their dastardly celebrations, she heard the whimpering….and something inside her stirred…..bringing back to her the night when she had lain all by herself….on the land stained with the blood that was her own….the blood of the people who were her own…….when she longed for someone to help her….to fight away her fears ……to give her hope…..strenght….the night when she longed for solace…..and the night after that……and after….untill the time she had decided that she would never shed a tear again…..The heavy weapon weighed her down and jolted her back to the present….she could see the men….and the hand that was stretched…holding on to the dirty, torn and stained piece of cloth…..it was a banner…..the girl was one of the thousands of people who had marched all through the city that afternoon…in protest against the violence and the killings….
In that split second, she made the decision…..she turned towards them…….and then she saw it….the shrine she was about to enter…the tapering roof with all the intricate carvings….the idol….the stone that it was…..how many such cruelties would it have silent witnessed?
In a few seconds she had succeeded in fighting them…the weapon had done its duty again….she did not even look to see the lifeless forms drop down….
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The nude figure was sprawled on the floor….wounded,scarred and helpless…..her hand still clutched the banner….with a picture of the dove that was stained with her innocent blood…….the girl had been beaten and the scratches she saw on her breasts made her want to scream….looking around, she broke the locks that ironically protected the lifeless dolls….and snatched the supposedly sacred cloth that would grace the deity in the morning…..she saw the camphor, the sacred water in the kamandalu, the red stains made by the kumkum, the flowers and the fruit….and she read the lines that said that God was there to protect the weak and the oppressed….just a few feet away ….lay the victim of yet another atrocity…..the stained banner,broken bottles, torn clothes and her belongings strewn all over….She knew what it felt like….how it hurt…and she could not help but reach out….she brought the water and gave her the cloth…..
Draped in the saffron saree and washed with the sacred water…..the girl was carried out of the shrine…. God watched silently….as always
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Sounds woke her up…..she looked around her…it came back to her…the long walk…the ramshackle house…the smelly walls…..the sun was streaming in through the gaps…..it had been a long tough night….the girl had been torn….and she had to be taken care of….she had given her the comfort, the attention and the reassurance that she needed…..but now there was no one….the banner lay on the dirty floor….she regretted it….the blue van would have left….taking back a message that she had not returned..triggering a series of events….eventually leading to the acceptance that she had been caught or killed…..why had she been so foolish????? She picked herself up and was just about to go out into the open when she heard the loudspeaker….the voice asking her to step out……surrender……her head was reeling…..the nausea was unbearable….she saw more than a dozen of them….probably none of them really knew how to actually use the weapon that they were pointing at her so gallantly….but she knew that she could not escape….behind all of them she saw the elderly man in uniform, who had just spoken…she could not defy him….her glance moved away from all of them….had she just got a glimpse of saffron?????? She saw her once more…..bruised and tired….the girl was fighting…fighting someone…..she was trying to tell them something….trying to break free from the people who held her………she was pointing to her….screaming at the elderly policeman…..showing her the green belt that the “terrorist” had tied around her and the thick green coat that she had wrapped around her to give her warmth….the girl wanted to tell them something….and the others would not let her do so…..
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Her hands on the cold metal of the barrel, she looked up at the sky….she looked down …..and saw the tear fall….splash into the sand…..no one saw it….her hand brushed her face……and stayed for a moment on her lips….as if she were praying….what was she asking for? No one knew….
In a second she had fallen….the pills never failed….in those last few moments….she saw her parents beckoning to her…..to a place that she always dreamt of…to a place where she could live without fear….where she would belong…where laughter and love would reign supreme….her little one was back to life….rocking in between her feet….and she saw his face….those eyes that had given her life……..in them she found what she had sought…..she felt human….she felt loved once again….she opened her eyes one last time…to see the saffron again…the girl bent over her…weeping….clasping her….everything seemed distant…nothing mattered….she was happy….to leave the world that had never given her a place….