Womanly woes....

In college i was overjoyed to meet people with huge aspirations who were eager to take on the challenges in the real world. I was motivated by people around me and the scientific atmosphere as a child. Hence i decided to choose this profession. However, I was quite shocked to meet an equal subset of women that were quite happy to "obey their parents" and get married even before they graduated. I was clear that i would have to live a life of independence and experience the joy of being alone and have my space before i could decide to let someone in. What worried me the most was this total lack of interest in using the experience to move on to a career and a professional identity. Wouldn't somebody else have done more justice to that ?

Yes, society places immense pressure on women to get married early and embrace a family. But so many of us have incorporated that into a life where we decide when we are ready and plunge into it once we know we are independent. Lets set aside these cases of self inflicted lack of independence. Inspite of being equally educated, i find it extremely hard to swallow that a woman's career is often considered a bonus. Its ok if we do it but fine if we dont. I have begun reading Indianhomemaker's blogs which is really awesome for people who think and question today's thinking. We have moved so far ahead in everything else that i dont understand why an indian woman is still scrutinized with a microscope at her wedding, her being educated is considered a "threat" and she still needs to "possess good looks". And all this from families with educated backgrounds. This blog posted several incidents where we can clearly see a difference between the mentality of a son's parents vs the daughter. My point is, i blame the women and men of today's generation. The women who have given up for whatever reason and succumbed to this instead of revolting. The women who take this s*** and turn into the ones that give it back when their turn comes. And the men who cant speak up against this and decently explain that their wives deserve the same space and freedom as the men have.
I do hope my nihilistic views about this situation are false but i am losing hope that we will ever catch up.

Posting on post-doc-ing

So thats what i am upto now -

In a top cancer biology lab as a post doc. I consider myself really lucky that things clicked the way they are and i am in an awesome place for research. Things were nice because P is here and we are in one place under one roof - awesome!
 But it also brings with it a lot of pressure. I was in a lab that was relatively a less expectant of spectacular things - a lot less of 'being on top of things' and didnt have people working round the clock - 50% attendance on weekends. I am getting used to one very important thing - being more inquisitive and asking questions about everything thats happening. Trying to critique something and think why they did this or why they didnt do this - or why they should be doing something. I fear i havent had enough training on this front and am hoping to get better soon! My first journal club presentation was weird - i didnt understand the data very well and didnt know the biology behind everything since this is not what i did before.
I have come a long way since my first couple of months but have realized that there is a stark contrast with how i used to do things back in India. I was always taught to be humble. You know 100000 things and you talk about 10. Arrogance is bad. And what i am disappointed is to see how many people blow their own trumpets. I lack the ability to blow things up much more than they are because i think if its there - people will know what its like. Often times, being pushy and saying something wins over actually knowing things - appearing to be in control is the key i guess. I havent mastered the art of this yet but am trying hard to realize that i need to do that! Everytime we go to a carnatic music concert i marvel at how humble and simple the artists are and am reminded about the stark contrast - having an extremely strong opinion about everything and complaining about things and somehow making your presence felt seems to matter. Ah well thats how it is in the real world i guess. P knows how to do that very well and am hoping i get some gyan from him!

And yes, spring is beautiful! Here is to the fact that i experienced 4 seasons for the first time in my life! 

New Year .....

Yes its time for another new year! I have been really absent from my blog and have decided to be more regular for one thing. What a wonderful time it is - a time full of new hopes, dreams and a renewed enthusiasm to face another year of the roller coaster ride that life is!
Where shall i begin? Living together has brought us so much closer since we appreciate each other a 100 times more now. P was a darling who helped me through the entire journey of grad school and applying for work. I will never forget the day i locked up my place and said good bye to the grad school apartment. My own space where i did all my reading, writing, painting and thinking and sleeping of course but i was so ready to take the next step! That night, the "better half" or "the other half" as i like to irritate him, unabashedly held me at my waist everywhere we walked around in the new city.
We had a lovely trip this year - our post graduation trip to Alaska. Walking on a glacier - priceless! In reality very much pricey - and still burning a hole in our pockets. The summer was beautiful and we had so much to do out here unlike the hot AZ weather. I ran the Helvetia 10k with P and we were all set and prepared for his parents' visit! i dont even know how 4 months have passed during their stay.
I work in a dream research lab. My boss is one of the very well known professors in Cancer research in the world and i consider myself incredibly lucky to have been in the right place at the right time. I remember Mark Davis from Caltech giving a seminar about his new nanoparticle drug delivery of siRNA that cleared up tumors in the lung. My hands were shaking and the adrenaline was pumping as i joined the entire auditorium in giving him a standing ovation and i secretly wished i would be in a lab like that. Thanks to P and his undying optimism I am here today with an awesome lab group and do hope that I can be a part of something special as well!
Yet another injury is irritating me - this time its my hip. Always the same leg that overpronates. I am back working out to be strong in the hopes that i can finish the half marathon. The injury happened after 9 miles and i was close to my goal. One thing i have learnt is to never give up. Gym has become a part of me and i eagerly wait for the next chance to forget everything and push myself that little extra.
Last but not the least, I am learning music from an excellent teacher - himself a student of the great violin Maestro Lalgudi Sir. Carnatic music is beautiful and we are at the stage of starting to sing swaras and attempt manodharma sangeetham.

This new year my wish is a little different. P agrees that i was a little too intense on myself. I expect perfection and to be on the top with every single thing. Failures are the stepping stone to success. So its time for me to take it easier on myself and set smaller goals and be positive.


My favourite moments from 2011.

1. Landing on a glacier in Alaska

2.Getting my 2nd paper accepted - Celebrating with the hubby enjoying some top class Peruvian food

3. Trying the hottest dish EVER in the world using habernero - several 100 times hotter chillies than the guntur ones which made P dance about like crazy

4. Surprise flowers and cake for the day i got my offer

5. The first time i saw the Fall colors outside

6. Dussera golu with in-laws and my very own christmas tree

7. All the gorgeous views of the snow capped mountains we have had

8. The naughty look on Ps face everytime he steals candy or sweets before bed time

A few years ago, I needed some "spirits" to lift my spirits but I think i am high on life! Now I hope thats not too grown up!
Not saying that the spirits are forgotten :)

Cheers to welcome 2012

Foooooooooooooooooood

One of the things i enjoy is to visit a new restaurant and try a new flavor. The only problem is the preparation. Usually it means some exercise so that I know I deserve this indulgence. And when you live in a place which is a melting pot of all cultures, its awesome that you can try every kind of cuisine under the sun. Most of my friends dont like to experiment so in groups we usually stick to Indian, Thai or Italian food.
P loves to try new things and i am encouraged by that as well.Of course it comes with its own share of funny moments like the time we had a good laugh when we first ordered artichokes and didnt know which part to eat.
Some of the other things I have tried out is Persian, Irish, Turkish, Mexican, Moroccan, Hawaii, Vietnamese, Ethiopian (great options for veggies), Japanese, Greek, Mongolian, Swiss (fondue is heavenly) and of course Chinese not to mention a few. Yet to check out a proper French restaurant. Have also eaten in loads of places which really mix up spices and tastes from all over the world. I love this whole range of eclectic restaurants we have been checking out - simple and powerful flavors. At the end of every meal i am humbled by the diversity in food and the new combinations we see.

I am eagerly waiting for yet another oppurtunity.

Stage Fear

Ok. I guess the first step in overcoming something is admitting there is a problem. I have a huge issue with stage fear. Total lack of confidence and cannot say anything once i see a room full of people. I have no idea why this happened to me. As a kid i loved being a part of competitions where i had to perform on stage. Suddenly when i turned 15 i remember this tension that started gripping me when i used to perform anything on stage. The worst was when i had to sing solo. I had always been with a group and when my teacher forced me to sing solo i apparently did really well but i was a mess inside.
A few years later i was trying to see if i could audition for Ragamalika in Pilani. The night before, all my friends encouraged me and said i was doing a real good job and stand a good chance but in front of the audience my voice shivered. I failed and my wingies begged me to try again but I never found courage to overcome this nervousness. 5 years later, my music teacher here taught me patiently and helped me perform on stage again. My heart was racing, I made mistakes and missed thaalam and embarassed myself totally. I deleted my recording. Everybody around my has this sympathetic face like - O poor you why do you have stage fear? My labmate looked at me and said none of your swara placements were wrong. There were people learning from cassette tapes and performing and you are being coached by a Guru so what is your problem? No idea!!!!
I chickened out the next year. However before i stopped, I had the good fortune of learning from Neyveli Sir for a few days. Yes, i couldnt open my mouth. I couldnt hit the G in varali which i can sing like a thousand times if i am alone.I remember him commenting about how I had to learn to be more confident on stage. How can i explain that practically nothing came out when i tried really hard to just forget everyone and sing? My mother and sister sing really well and both swear that i have to let go, stop feeling the pressure and just do it. It will get better.
I have no idea where i will find my confidence but after looking around at everyone i feel like i am struggling to break open. I need to start enjoying what i am doing more than worrying about the result. I am hoping to give this a second start, somehow overcome my fear and start learning and singing once again. My biggest problem has been that i totally lack confidence, I look around at all the other people my age that are so good and think what am I even trying to do here? P says that my standards are way too high and this is the worst ever attitude. I guess i should lose it. I am thinking of talking to people and seeing if i can learn from a good teacher online and try and perform this year at a local aradhana all by myself. Just a simple keerthanam but i dont want to be a sweaty quivering mess. Any suggestions?

Mannus DESImus

Yes...the Indian man. I salute thee. Unique species walking this planet. And hence, I decided to devote an entry to you. An issue which is close to the heart for many a desi girlfriend. I decided to keep up with the cheekiness that my 21st century penpal loved and shunned the obsession to rhyme everything that i was jotting down.
Over the years, I have had the oppurtunity to interact with a lot of different kinds (a lot from the South)so to speak. But like Russel Peters says, they are unique. I am not just referring to small shoulders, ridiculous lungis and thinking that hirsute is ok. God gave the desi man from the South some extra gyri and sulci for sure, but took away some other qualities that might have also proven useful on other fronts. Like for example - some game. Some confidence and originality when walking up to a woman to accost her. Yes, not the - 'Arent you from Hyd' question when she is working on her assignment! Or slipping a really stupid poem in a book you lend her.Seriously?????Some good skills when you want to flirt. I admire the **** it takes to walk up to a woman to ask her out but if you want a wee bit of a chance here, I think you first need to smell good, not think of getting into her blouse then and there, ensure you dont scratch down there and lose the totally false ego that being a desi man confers on you. I also admire their absolute confidence in convincing themselves that once they have secured their admit to go to graduate school in the US, they are entitled for a 'babe' for a wife. Even better if you have sweated it out and gotten yourself into the dream schools in India for your undergraduate degree. Then you will marry a Miss Chennai. Sadly, a thought that is also encouraged by society as well. Yes, matrimonials in India ask for a slim and fair girl while the desi man blissfully builds his belly a.k.a the sign of fortune hoping his job and bank balance makes up for the lack of everything else.
The desperation that is evident in most of them as they ogle at women in the gym, is shameful. In one of our group workout classes, my labmate asked me - do all Indian men stare at women in tight fitting clothes? Did this desi guy know that the gym has mirrors everywhere and we could see what he was upto? All i ask for, is for them to be a little more subtle and not make it obvious that they have never seen a real woman's nipples before they turned 25. Imagine the glee with which all the south indian men in my class enjoyed the unobstructed image of the mammary glands of a female student(not desi and a "figure") who almost always turned up sans shelf support. I mostly take it as a good thing and run an extra mile.
Many a Raj (of Big Bang Theory fame) exist today. Society obviously helps the desi man survive without imposing a need to change. Several of these species i would consider unfit to be in a mature relationship with a woman with mutual respect. More than one desi guy has had the gumption to tell me that winning the Aditya Birla Scholarship was no big of a deal. Winning a university fellowship means nothing since someone else who won it was totally dumb. Or that i won something because i smiled at the panel/interviewers. But then i guess, education on these matters begin at home. How many south indian parents have their noses up in the air because their sons have H1B jobs? Beloved mother of the said species, i hate to break your bubble but the next time you say something totally inappropriate and sneaky, i shall have to remind you that the bride just rescued your son from a life of jerkdom amongst a host of other things. Which would have most likely never happened if he were left out there to fend for himself. Almost every desi man's balls are wrapped up in his mom's pallu and only loaned for their duties. Someday they will belong to him!
Like anything else, there are exceptions and different degrees of exceptions. A lot of the men i know really well are exceptions and i am defenitely married to one that totally is a perfect example of an exception.
Moral of the story ? Lose the Attitude, the shabbiness and get real exposure. If you want something you would like treasure, you sure as hell need to work for it and learn to stand up for it.
And watch Hitch! :P

Its been a year

Yes, its been a year since i lost my status of being single. Our first year of marriage flew past. I dont even know how we went through Spring and Summer. Before we knew it, it was Fall again and time to plan our next trip. Yes, we love to travel. We cannot really afford it but we make sure to find a way to pay for it. A lot of people dont make the efforts to plan and save up but if you are patient, you can fit it in. This time it was Hawaii. Boy was it fun.I was so excited to board the flight that i even ignored my mom in-law demanding to know if i had bought lingerie. Was all worth it. It was perfect weather.We hung out on the beach. I managed to snorkel. Easily my favourite moment. I needed a life jacket because i really cannot swim very well yet. My greatest fear is getting into the water and the feeling of nothing under your feet. People here think i am abnormal because i cannot swim. I was really embarassed to wear the jacket. I overcame my fears, learnt how to use the gear and managed to get into the water with P.Its a whole new feeling to see the corals and the fish in the water. And yes i sported a two-piece bikini that i worked real hard to look good in. We also did the traditional Luau dinner which serves the unique roasted pig and the traditional dances that include the insane Tahitian hip shakes. Right by the beach along with a crimson sunset.I always believe that we must learn from the place we live in. And I learnt that we have to work hard but also have loads of fun. I could never do that before.People sure do know how to have fun and i have tried to bring that balance.And i owe it all to P to let me go all the way and do the things i only dream of doing. We did the road to Hana village (several 100 hair pin blind turns and 65 one lane bridges) and stopped at one point that felt limitless. Far down we could see the coast and behind us, the mountains. I was standing on a cliff as our guide described that this was possibly the place Pirates of the Caribbean 3 was shot. It was spectacular. It had the power to just reset everything and really resonates with you. Most insurance companies dont even let you drive there but its nature untampered with. Spectacular, and not the tourist contaminated Western part of the island. After the trip i realised that i might have to make the hardest decision yet. Limiting myself to fewer career choices in order for us to be together. Yes, balance is a part of being normal. But i know this is right because P doesnt mind doing it for me if i go elsewhere. I know it would probably freak a lot of people out. For now i know i feel really fortunate for everything i have and hope the f***********king experiments work out ok. The not so cool part of being balanced begins now - work.